When your wife or partner is upset and stressing out, do you go into Mr Fix-it mode? Men tend to think, well there’s a problem, I have a solution, let’s fix it, but that is not necessarily what women want.
Men and women think differently. When a woman is upset, crying, frustrated or angry with something or someone they don’t always want you to come out with the answer. Unless of course you have caused the problem by not doing something that you promised or should have done to help.
Frustrations can turn into a full-scale row!
Often an exchange like this can end with frustration on both sides. Nobody can choose when to be upset, but I have often found the timings of these events isn’t generally convenient. Often, personally, I am trying to rush somewhere or need to hit a deadline or simply get something done. This type of exchange can quickly shift from you trying to help, to getting frustrated, and then into a full-scale row!
Sound familiar? So, what could you do differently?
There are three things you could try when this type of situation arises – stop, listen and show love. I know it sounds simple right, but by following these steps can save a lot of time, angst and upset.
Stop – what you are doing.
Pay attention, stop looking at your watch or doing what you are doing. Your wife or partner wants to share a concern, a worry or a problem, you need to stop and take time to understand how they are feeling. It may be inconvenient, but its important.
Listen – but I mean properly listen.
What I mean is don’t just listen, as we all do, waiting for the first pause when we can step in take control, solve the problem and be on our way. No, I mean show that you are listening, by using active listening skills. This means making eye contact, only speaking to ask questions that clarify points, but also repeating back what you have heard to demonstrate understanding. They will feel like they have been properly heard and you will have a better understanding of the problem.
Love – really show you care
By stopping and listening you are already showing you care. This may be a good time to give her a hug, but don’t jump in with the solution. Life can be tough and sometimes we can all feel overwhelmed and fed up. Showing your love at this time is when it really matters. One of the best questions I have found helpful in this situation is ‘how can I help?’ At this point, you may hear that’s fine, I’ll be okay, I just wanted somebody to listen to what I had to say. Or they may need your help, but you will have a better grasp of all the information and potentially provide a better solution.
Spending time, listening and showing you love them is far more important. Give it a try next time an opportunity arises and see if it helps. That said, if you are the cause of the problem, well that’s a different story. And if you need to pick your clothes up, then just pick them up!