Is modern-day family life breaking dad? The typical role a dad plays is changing as more men get involved in family childcare, but what is driving it and how is it impacting men? Is it a need, or is it a desire to be a better dad?
Most dads like to be involved in raising their children, but for many years their main role has been financial provision that can often leave limited time or energy to spend with children. Nowadays, though, being a good dad is no longer linked to what you earn, and more mums are going out to work, with a rise to over 71% working mothers in the last two decades according to The Office of National Statistics (ONS) Families and the Labour Market, England: 2017.
The same report identified that most ‘couple families’ have both parents in employment (71.8%). Yet, of the 1.8 million ‘couple families’ the employment split was typically the father in full-time work and the mother working part-time. However, whilst still shouldering most of the financial burden, men are also under increasing pressure to share more of the childcare and housework.
On average the ONS survey found that dads now carry out 16 hours a week unpaid work including adult and child care, laundry and cleaning, whereas mums do an average of 26 hours of unpaid work a week. This is a significant increase for dads and was just 15 minutes a day in the 70s with only a small rise to three 3 hours per week in the late 1990s. What is driving this change?
The increase in men sharing more of the unpaid work around the house is reflected in the number of women needing to go out and work. In our consumer-driven society, combined with a shaky economy and increasing costs, it is becoming more of a necessity for both mum and dad to work. The latest Modern Families Index (MFI) 2018, published by Working Families, found that 52% of reported that it is becoming financially more difficult to raise a family.
This could also be partly driven by ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ and determined by our appetite for the latest and greatest technology. Those household gadgets you never knew you needed, as well as more expensive hobbies and foreign holidays.
Regardless of what is driving this shift, I think that there is a growing pressure on dads to tick several boxes. Dads typically are still recognised as the main breadwinner. We are also to some extent still meant to be, well, manly! At the same time, more advertising is directed towards men keeping themselves in shape, but also looking great, with more grooming products available than ever before (using more of our precious time). Dad can do a fair bit of the taxiing to clubs, friends’ houses, parties and is also expected to do more around the house.
Yet, is this all leading to a breaking point for dads?
Constantly working and on demand, dads’ needs are not always being met. But, men don’t tend to talk openly about their problems. Sadly, in many cases this is leading to an increase in unhealthy habits such as excessive drinking, smoking, poor diet, which can ultimately lead to increased anxiety and depression.
It’s a sad fact, but three times as many men today are dying of suicide than women, according to the Mental Health Foundation and the Men’s Health Forum.
So, what can dads do to get the right balance?
Men could consider a career change. This could make all the difference with less stress, pressure and possibly less hours for dad, as well as giving mum the opportunity to pursue a career.
Working Families’ 2018 MFI discovered that nearly two-thirds of men say that childcare is a key factor in their career choices and development.
The latest Modern Families Index (MFI) 2018, published by Working Families
Dads today really do want to spend more time with their children and many are prepared to change jobs with less responsibility and pay to achieve this. The Index also discovered that 47% of fathers, under the age of 35 (Millennials), would consider downshifting into an easier role with fewer hours. Changing working patterns, flexible working and reducing the number of hours would make a significant difference and take the pressure off dads today.
However, in order for this to happen, we need to see a shift in the workplace culture. Dads need to be able to take advantage of flexible working and job sharing, which is not always the case. Parental leave is still more geared to women, whilst men tend to be paid more than women for carrying out the same or similar roles. These are all factors that are holding back much needed change.
Many dads have been trying to strike a balance between work, play and family life since the late 70s when the phrase ‘work life balance’ was first used. Long gone are the stereotypical dads expecting their dinner on the table followed swiftly by pipe and slippers.
Parental roles have been steadily changing with more women wanting a career and more men happy to stay at home. But, as work and family life pressures increase, I believe it is important that we speed up changes to avoid breaking dad!